RED FLAGS GREEN FLAGS
A look at the red flags we sometimes choose to ignore, and the green flags that show us what healthy love can actually feel like. Because recognising unhealthy love is one thing — believing we deserve better is another.
❤️ RED FLAGS & GREEN FLAGS — WHAT DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP FEEL LIKE? 💚
We talk a lot about red flags.
Looking back, some of mine seem glaringly obvious now.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing.
The truth is, I didn't always miss the red flags because I couldn't see them. Sometimes I saw them. I felt them. Something inside me knew that things weren't quite right.
I just chose to ignore them.
Not because I was stupid. Not because I didn't know any better. But because, at that point in my life, my need to feel wanted was stronger than my willingness to walk away.
Being chosen felt important.
Being loved felt important.
And sometimes, the fear of losing someone felt bigger than the fear of losing pieces of myself.
So I explained things away.
Maybe I'm overthinking it.
Maybe he's just had a bad day.
Maybe I'm being too sensitive.
Maybe it will be different when…
Maybe he behaves like this because he loves me so much.
And perhaps the biggest one:
But he wants me.
When you've spent parts of your life questioning your own worth, being wanted can feel intoxicating. You can mistake intensity for love, jealousy for passion, possessiveness for protection and being pursued for being valued.
And slowly, your boundaries move.
Things you once thought you'd never tolerate become things you find yourself explaining.
That's why I don't believe conversations about red flags should ever be about blaming someone for ignoring them.
Sometimes we need to understand why we were prepared to ignore them in the first place.
Because recognising the red flag is only half of it.
Believing you deserve better is the other half.
Sometimes the signs are there… waving bright, undeniable, impossible to ignore.
And yet we turn a blind eye.
We explain them away.
We make excuses.
We tell ourselves they'll change.
We blame ourselves.
We hold onto the good moments and convince ourselves they outweigh the bad.
But healthy love shouldn't leave you constantly questioning where you stand.
🚩 RED FLAGS can look like:
• Controlling who you see or speak to
• Constant criticism disguised as “jokes”
• Jealousy being called love
• Walking on eggshells to avoid their reaction
• Blaming you for their behaviour
• Silent treatment or withholding affection as punishment
• Making you doubt your own memory or reality
• Disrespecting your boundaries
• Isolating you from friends or family
• Making you feel that you have to earn their love
💚 GREEN FLAGS can look like:
• Respecting your boundaries, even when they don't agree with them
• Being able to communicate without fear
• Taking responsibility when they've got something wrong
• Listening to understand, rather than listening to win
• Celebrating your independence and individuality
• Trusting you without needing to control you
• Making space for your feelings
• Being able to disagree without punishment
• Apologising — and changing the behaviour afterwards
• Making you feel safe enough to be completely yourself
Healthy relationships aren't perfect.
People get things wrong. We have bad days. We disagree. We hurt each other's feelings sometimes.
The difference is what happens next.
Do they take responsibility?
Do they listen?
Do they respect you?
Do they repair the damage?
Do you feel safe to speak your truth?
Because love shouldn't require you to become smaller to keep someone else comfortable.
Sometimes healing means looking back at the red flags we ignored without blaming ourselves for not seeing them sooner.
I can see mine now.
But more importantly, I can see why I ignored them.
And understanding that has helped me recognise that the answer was never simply learning how to spot a red flag.
It was learning my own worth.
Learning that being wanted isn't the same as being valued.
That intensity isn't intimacy.
That someone choosing me means very little if, in choosing them, I have to abandon myself.
And now I know more.
That isn't failure.
That's growth. That's awareness. That's reclaiming your power. ❤️
So, let’s turn the question around…
What red flags did you once ignore — and what green flags do you now know you deserve? 💚